I come from everything, yet I still call it nothing. I'm not really going to talk about how I grew up physically but how I matured mentally. I don't really know how to explain some things in my life but they're just there, they happened and I can't forget them. Most people that come with a hard past carry it around like it's a burden. A lot of people that have many struggles in life tend to just give up. Well I'm not one of those people. I don't explain my past and what has molded me into me like it's the end of the world. It may have felt like it at the time, but from all of that I have pushed and fought to get where and who I am today.
I was born December 6th 1999, I grew up in a house with a lot always going on, and I mean a lot animals, drama and money. My house and family in it was always un-happy, it never had anything to do with me though, I see that now. As a child and you finding out that your parents were getting a divorce confuses you and you think you can save the world and fix everything. Unfortunately it's not that simple and you can't. After the hell happened I stayed with my dad for a while until I found out that my parents where getting back together. In my opinion that was the worst thing they could have put on my two older brothers and I through, a child should never have to go through that. It's not hard thinking about the two people who brought you into this world not loving each other anymore. Maybe that's just how I look at it, but after that whole time to this day they argue and talk about how much they dislike one another behind the others back etc. I now have a younger sister and brother so this means they are going through this as well, I wish that their little minds will stay pure but that's not going to last forever. One day they will have their eyes opened and find out that it's not always easy to trust people, even if they are your parents. My parents knew they were putting a lot on my older brothers and I, so they thought they could buy our love. By doing that all it did was distance us, all of us. I couldn't ask for any change in my past because I probably would still be in the blind area with them.
I wasn't really raised into a religious family like my parents were. My parents never talked about religion with us and I think that that's a great thing because from that I found who I actually was and didn't turn me into something that other people wanted me to be. I am me from so many expierences that I have gone through, actually not revolving around what I think the idea is "God". I don't mind having people around me that are faithful to whatever they believe in, it's just that I don't believe in it.
I'm not close to my older brothers or parents anymore, but them giving me space has made a huge difference than what I think would happen if they were in my social life. In the end of elementary school and all throughout middle school I didn't choose the best people to hang around with, but that has helped me trail off on my own and start doing other things like singing, and writing, A LOT. I've always hung out with the older kids and in middle school they weren't the best friends or influences. I started disconnecting myself from more and more people throughout middle school and that helped me, I was never out so I always had time to do schoolwork. I started becoming close with my online friends and everyday I would be talking to them. I became bestfriends with a guy who lived not even two miles from me, his name was Shane. Shane was the bestfriend he could be to me and always put me first. Shane sadly committed suicide because he couldn't handle much anymore, in 3 months it's going to be a year. Before Shane passed I got really close to this guy who used to go to my middle school with me, he rode my bus for about a year. We got really close over a couple months so we started dating, not a huge thing though. Over 7 months things he would do, and say to me and talk about concerned me, I didn't know what to do or say back. After Shane passed things got bad for me. I cried to him all the time, nothing he said was positive. He's the one who brought out the bad side in me, caused me to physically dislike myself. After 3 more months of that I couldn't handle it anymore. Things got back for me but I still stayed and staying positive.
Now it's just kind of me, and whoever else is around for a while. I don't really be-friend or let people in anymore because all it does is hurt in the end. I have more to me past just like anybody else would, I still don't carry it around like a burden. I like to build off of my yesterday and the past is what I can build off for the future. I take mistakes from myself and others and use those for my next move. I'm a better person than who I was three years ago and that's really all that counts. A bigger brighter future, I have so many road ahead of me, I may choose to turn down a street or I might go up that little narrow path that leads to what I want it to be. I won't know for a while what I want to do with my future but I have all the time in the world to figure that one out. I'm just here in the moment, right here right now and that's all that counts.
I was born December 6th 1999, I grew up in a house with a lot always going on, and I mean a lot animals, drama and money. My house and family in it was always un-happy, it never had anything to do with me though, I see that now. As a child and you finding out that your parents were getting a divorce confuses you and you think you can save the world and fix everything. Unfortunately it's not that simple and you can't. After the hell happened I stayed with my dad for a while until I found out that my parents where getting back together. In my opinion that was the worst thing they could have put on my two older brothers and I through, a child should never have to go through that. It's not hard thinking about the two people who brought you into this world not loving each other anymore. Maybe that's just how I look at it, but after that whole time to this day they argue and talk about how much they dislike one another behind the others back etc. I now have a younger sister and brother so this means they are going through this as well, I wish that their little minds will stay pure but that's not going to last forever. One day they will have their eyes opened and find out that it's not always easy to trust people, even if they are your parents. My parents knew they were putting a lot on my older brothers and I, so they thought they could buy our love. By doing that all it did was distance us, all of us. I couldn't ask for any change in my past because I probably would still be in the blind area with them.
I wasn't really raised into a religious family like my parents were. My parents never talked about religion with us and I think that that's a great thing because from that I found who I actually was and didn't turn me into something that other people wanted me to be. I am me from so many expierences that I have gone through, actually not revolving around what I think the idea is "God". I don't mind having people around me that are faithful to whatever they believe in, it's just that I don't believe in it.
I'm not close to my older brothers or parents anymore, but them giving me space has made a huge difference than what I think would happen if they were in my social life. In the end of elementary school and all throughout middle school I didn't choose the best people to hang around with, but that has helped me trail off on my own and start doing other things like singing, and writing, A LOT. I've always hung out with the older kids and in middle school they weren't the best friends or influences. I started disconnecting myself from more and more people throughout middle school and that helped me, I was never out so I always had time to do schoolwork. I started becoming close with my online friends and everyday I would be talking to them. I became bestfriends with a guy who lived not even two miles from me, his name was Shane. Shane was the bestfriend he could be to me and always put me first. Shane sadly committed suicide because he couldn't handle much anymore, in 3 months it's going to be a year. Before Shane passed I got really close to this guy who used to go to my middle school with me, he rode my bus for about a year. We got really close over a couple months so we started dating, not a huge thing though. Over 7 months things he would do, and say to me and talk about concerned me, I didn't know what to do or say back. After Shane passed things got bad for me. I cried to him all the time, nothing he said was positive. He's the one who brought out the bad side in me, caused me to physically dislike myself. After 3 more months of that I couldn't handle it anymore. Things got back for me but I still stayed and staying positive.
Now it's just kind of me, and whoever else is around for a while. I don't really be-friend or let people in anymore because all it does is hurt in the end. I have more to me past just like anybody else would, I still don't carry it around like a burden. I like to build off of my yesterday and the past is what I can build off for the future. I take mistakes from myself and others and use those for my next move. I'm a better person than who I was three years ago and that's really all that counts. A bigger brighter future, I have so many road ahead of me, I may choose to turn down a street or I might go up that little narrow path that leads to what I want it to be. I won't know for a while what I want to do with my future but I have all the time in the world to figure that one out. I'm just here in the moment, right here right now and that's all that counts.